How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You took a bar mat shot.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
