I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
