that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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