I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
