Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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