And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
