He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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