just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had to coat check the pizza.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
