Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
