I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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