Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
