He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
