I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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