Don't make out with my wife yet
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
