Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
