I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
