Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
