dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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