remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was CRYING into my vagina
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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