Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
