I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
