see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
