I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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