yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
