Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
