Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
