I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
