I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
