sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
