I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
