dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
50% drunk capacity currently
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
