You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
