Moan for me like Helen Keller
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
