Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
