I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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