Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
