she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
