I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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