god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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