big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
