Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
