if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my being single is dangerous.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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