there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
