My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
