my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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