At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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