yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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