Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
