Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
