I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
