I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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