oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
